Hello Brenda, thank you so much for your very kind words! 
You have an amazing collection in your art portfolio. Great work
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Hi Maki - The video and your entire exhibit are wonderful. Can you give us an update on the weather where you live and how your mom is doing. I think about you often.
Terri Robichon
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Hi Terri, thank you so much for your kind words.
Well, it is getting pretty chilly around here; e.g. today’s highest temperature is 15 degrees and the lowest temperature is 7 degrees. But I feel better with this a bit coldish weather compared to the excessive heat we experienced between July and September.
As to my mother, she had a Bipolar Hip Arthroplasty on this Wednesday, which went well. The operation took three hours, and I was asked to stay at the hospital during that time. Immediately after the surgery finished, I was called to the operation prep room, and I saw her open her eyes waking up from anesthesia. I don’t think she recognized me, but she looked pretty fine then. Two days passed after the operation, and I’ve heard from the nurse that mother is doing well, with no signs of infections. So far so good indeed.
About a month ago, the doctor actually gave me two choices:
A. no surgery at all considering her current conditions or
B. Bipolar Hip Arthroplasty.
After the first surgery in May, she became pretty weak, and the biggest problem was that her dementia seemed to have gotten really worse. I could tell that from her changes I saw once she came back home in July, i.e., having incontinence every day and showing no interests in any sorts of efforts to regain her strength. Before she had a femoral neck fracture in May, she had incontinence only once in 5 days or so, and used to do her best to stay fit, like walking around the sofa in the living room every day. After the 2 months hospitalization following the fracture, it looked like the drowsiness caused by her worsened dementia continuously tried to keep her asleep and she did not have the mental strength to overcome it. So, although I had two physical therapists visit my home three times per week to get her conditions better and they actually worked really hard, she did not recover so much because she did not do anything for herself after the therapists finished the sessions. When the doctor offered me the non-surgery option taking mother’s “conditions” into account, he was not only talking about her physical conditions, but also about her mental conditions. We could choose the surgery plan alright, but the surgery alone would not make her healthier like magic. Her own efforts after the surgery would be crucial. Then, when we could scarcely expect her to do that, what would be the point in putting further strain on her body by an additional surgery?
This reasoning totally made sense and initially I was against the additional surgery to be performed. But the problem with this choice was that my mother would have to give up trying to walk on her own legs for the rest of her life. Her MRI image taken in early September showed some signs of femoral head necrosis, meaning that the metal plate inserted in her hip joint when she had a femoral osteosynthesis might cause a pelvic perforation if the necrosis would progress rapidly. To avoid this without an additional surgery to exchange the femoral head into an artificial one, she would have to stop putting weight on her right leg, i.e., she would not use a cane, a walker, anything to support her to stand or walk for herself but would have to use a wheelchair from now on.
I was not sure whether this consequence would be acceptable for her. She used to say repeatedly that she wanted to keep walking on her own as long as she could. I also knew from living with her for the recent years that she would come to herself for a few minutes once in a while even after she started showing the signs of dementia. Suppose I choose the non-surgery plan. Then my mother starts living with a wheelchair, and one day, when she comes to herself, she realizes somehow she is in a wheelchair but does not remember what has happened to her. She asks me why. Then, can I say that I have made a choice which does not allow her to walk any longer, no matter how well she feels, no matter how motivated she is now to continue physical training to walk.
I did not think that this would be the right choice. There are so many things that we don’t know about dementia, and nobody can foresee exactly how well or how worse she will become and how soon the changes will occur in the future. Then I should make a choice which leaves as many possibilities as possible open for her. So I decided to choose B plan. Once she gets an artificial femoral head in her hip joint, she could start working on the walking training whenever she wants to in the future. She may not feel like doing it and may choose a life in a wheelchair, and that’s just fine. My responsibility is not to rule out any possibilities without her consent.
As it turned out in the operation, her right femoral head was found broken in half within the articular capsule! I guess the necrosis has progressed very very quickly within only one month. The operating surgeon said that my mother’s right leg was not in a condition to support her body weight at all. So, she was hospitalized and had surgery just in time.
I was glad to see that apparently I made a right decision one month ago. I don’t know what has happened if I had chosen plan A back then.
My next mission is to find an excellent nursery home for her. Fortunately, her care manager is a very reliable person, so I think she will find a perfect place for my mother to live happily and safely.
Hello Akunn, thank you so much for your very kind words!
Hi Maki - so glad the surgery went well. Your mother is lucky to have you looking out for her best interests. Making these decisions are so difficult. It sounds like things are falling into place.
I’ll give you a brief update on my sister Anne. She was checked into the emergency room at the hospital on Fri, Oct 20th after having what we believe was her first seizure. Anne is 63 years old and apparently Down Syndrome, early-onset Alzheimer’s disease and Epilepsy are frequently seen together, especially after age of 40 years. (That is something Anne’s care givers and I didn’t know.) Seizures are probably underdiagnosed, which makes me wonder if Anne really has had seizures before and we just didn’t figure it out. Anyway after starting seizure medication, she was released. The very next day we were back in the ER again. They needed to give her a bigger and quicker initial dose of medication via an IV to get her system on track with the new treatment.
Now we take it one day at a time.
Terri Robichon
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Hello Terri, thank you so much for your kind words and also sharing what you’re now going through.
I just wish your sister’s conditions will settle down soon.
I also cannot help but wish the constant uneasiness will not take such a serious toll on your own health.
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Hi Maki (and other friends who have been tracking my personal story) -
It’s always so nice to hear from you. I’m coping pretty well (I think), because I have my husband to talk with. That really helps. My other sister Monica, came for a visit last Saturday and we brought Anne to my house. I kept her in a wheelchair the entire time to help it be less stressful for her. From the time I picked her up to the time she was back at the group home was about 3-1/2 hours. Since then, we’ve decided to try to limit her visits to 2 hours total (including travel) because she loses focus and becomes tired at that point. On the last visit she cried for the entire 1/2 hour it took to get her back home, not because she was sad to leave, but because she hit her limit. We just have to keep adapting and are grateful for the time we can share with her. We’re in the process right now of getting Anne her own wheelchair since she has been borrowing one from the group home. I’m attaching a photo of my two sisters that I took at the beginning of that last visit. (It’s not artwork but could become a drawing or painting someday - you never know.)
Terri Robichon
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You’re an amazing person, Terri. I’m so glad you have your husband as part of your support system. That is so very important. I’m hoping you do all you can to take care of yourself as well. I’ve been through the “exhausted to complete collapse” stage of being a caregiver when my mom was recovering from a heart attack at my house in 1997. I really don’t think I’ve been the same since that time. It’s such an all-in situation when you really care for that person and want them to be as happy as possible and have all the care they could possibly need. Big hugs to you.
Brenda
Hello Terri,
It touches my heart hearing how you care for you sister. Family is so important regardless of their condition. I admire your strength and caring heart.
I think that would be a great drawing some day. If you ever do it, we would love to see it.
Lenet
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Hi Terri, thank you for the update. “Keep adapting”, yes, from my own experiences with mom for these couple of years, that feels the most important and difficult thing to achieve. But I think this particular keep-adapting experiences and the changes I myself have had for these years are treasure which can be positively applied to other situations in my life. I guess you feel the same way.
The photo is awesome, and I’m sure you will turn it into a fabulous artwork given your very high artistic skills. 
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Hi Maki -
I think I’ve only read your reply at least 4 or 5 times now. Your comments are much appreciated, and I’m honored for your assessment of my skills. Still working at it, but definitely improving. I’m finally getting in some much needed creative time and it is making it easier to deal with the stress.
Terri Robichon
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Hi Brenda - I really appreciate your kind words and how much you support all of us on the forum. It’s people like you that make this place an important part of my life.
I’m doing pretty well right now, even getting some drawing / painting time into my schedule. I did go thru a lot when my dad passed away in Dec 2012, and again when my mom passed away in Feb 2019. They both had dementia, and mom was in the nursing home for 11 years before she died. The thing is that every case is different. I have never been sorry that I decided to become my sisters legal guardian. It’s just hard to see her suffer.
Keep drawing and posting my friend. You make me smile, even when I don’t have the time to post a reply.
Terri Robichon
Hi Lenet -
I’m just now trying to reconnect with my friends here at the Forum. I’m retired now but was a commercial interior designer for most of my professional life, so it fun to see posts from an architect.
I just wanted to be sure to say “thanks” for your kind words of support. I appreciate it.
Terri Robichon